The disaster better known as American Idol Season 9 soldiers on. After a theme change from "Teen Idol" to "Billboard No. 1s" the contestants hit the stage this week with a bag full of steaming stinkers. Does no one provide any direction whatsoever to the contestants when they are handed a broad category like this? And can anybody tell me how this differs from what the contestants tackled during the semi-finals? Anyway, here's how it all went down:

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Lee Dewyze

The Letter

Really, Lee? You had any Billboard #1 of all time and you chose "The Letter"? Really?

Arguably, this theme night favored someone like Lee who has one of the more contemporary sounds this season. Apparently that was far too much pressure for Lee who must have closed his eyes and pointed somewhere in the middle of the list and opted to sing whatever song his finger landed on.

Lee was great last week, breathing new life into "Beast of Burden." This week, it was like he was stuck in a bad lounge act.

 

Paige Miles

Against All Odds

All of the other contestants should thank their lucky stars that Paige tanked as badly as she did this week. You would literally have to be hard of hearing to pick up the phone and vote for this performance.

From song choice (Phil Collins? Really? Let's try to think outside of the musak box please) to the vocals that should have had her put in handcuffs for committing ear assault, this was about as big a mess of a number as anyone could cook up.

Bye, Paige. Have a nice life.

 

Tim Urban

Crazy Little Thing Called Love

I guess Tim Urban didn't get the memo that this week's theme was no longer "Teen Idols" because he was bouncing around on the stage like a real goon. Did he really slide across the stage? Good lord, save us all.

Lucky for him, little girls will eat that crap up. He might not go home this week, but his clock is ticking louder and louder. The good news is that his multi-week audition for the next High School Musical is sure to prove more successful than any music career he might have dreamed up for himself.

 

Aaron Kelly

I Don't Want to Miss A Thing

Grrrr, Aaron. Dumb song choice but I liked what he did with the beginning of it. It actually turned out to be one of the better versions of this song that have been done on Idol.

He'll be safe this week thanks to the two hot messes that went before him. And how can you not love him admitting his crush on Miley Cyrus? I just wish she would have indulged his crush a bit. She had no problem giving Casey the once-over...

 

Crystal Bowersox

Me and Bobby McGee

There's something odd about watching Miley Cyrus giving Crystal Bowersox advice. They couldn't be more different. I would have really liked to see what Crystal said about meeting Miley without the cameras around. Does she regret getting that signature on her guitar?

In any case, Crystal did her thing on stage. I'm sure it took her no time at all to find a Janis Joplin #1 to sing. Her performance was a breath of fresh air on a very stagnant night.

 

Michael Lynche

When A Man Loves A Woman

This song is much more of what Michael should be singing unlike last week's awkward number. Still, it's a boring song that no one wants to hear, but he sang it fine. And he should be fine for now.

 

Andrew Garcia

Heard It Through the Grapevine

Ugh, Andrew. This was a lame-o version of "Heard It Through the Grapevine." For the last two weeks now, Andrew has sucked it up on the stage. Without the guitar, it's clear that he's lost. I would have liked to see him stick to his original shtick of stripping down pop songs rather than cave into the judges and try to reinvent himself. Obviously that's not working.

 

Katie Stevens

Big Girls Don't Cry

Thanks to Katie for picking a song from this decade but that's about all she deserves thanks for. Her tone is grating and nothing I'd want to sing along to on the radio. I fear she'll be with us for awhile, but at this point, she can't light a candle to the likes of Siobhan and Crystal.

 

Casey James

The Power of Love

Not sure what was going through Casey's head when he came up with the *brilliant* idea to sing "The Power of Love." I can honestly say I haven't heard that song in at least five years and I was fine with that streak being extended. That said, he did a good job of sounding like Huey Lewis. Not sure anyone is missing Huey Lewis enough to shell out for his reincarnation though...

 

Didi Benami

You're No Good

Liked this much better than 80 percent of the songs chosen tonight. To me, it actually sounded fresher than a lot of the tired numbers that have been trotted out thus far. I liked her working the stage and playing off the musicians. Compared to what most have done tonight, this one ranks near the top.

 

Siobhan Magnus

Superstition

One might have thought that Siobhan was going to take on Cyndi Lauper with her hair faux-hawked like that, but no, Stevie Wonder. Another odd choice to top off a night of really terrible song selections. Siobhan is fun to watch, though. She can sing so there should be no worries for her right now.

 

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Best performance of the night: Crystal Bowersox

 

Most likely to go home: Paige Miles

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TALK ABOUT IT: Who, if anyone, did you like tonight? Who should be headed home?